Words by Riley Fitzgerald
Graphic by Press

New Jersy police have broken up a Pink Floyd themed coronavirus party.

Flouting statewide lockdown laws last Saturday, 30 Jersey residents came together to celebrate the music of Pink Floyd.

After being tipped off to the event by concerned neighbors, local police arrived on the scene to find the party sprawling across a Jersey lawn.

Entertaining the gathering as was a Pink Floyd tribute band.

“When our patrols arrived we were met by a group of approximately 30 40-to-50-year-old ‘adults’,” an official police statement reads, “who were located in the middle of Blackpoint Rd and on the front law attending an acoustic concert of Pink Floyd’s greatest hits. (Some even brought lawn chairs.)”

“The impromptu concert,” they continue, “was performed by two guitarists equipped with microphones and amplifiers who were also broadcasting the concert via Facebook live.”

When police attempted to disperse the group, things turned ugly.

“When we informed everyone that they must leave,” the official account reads, “we were met with well wishes of ‘F-the police’ and ‘Welcome to Nazi Germany’.”

It is reported that even amidst the commotion that ensued the band continued to perform ‘Wish You Were Here‘ until advised to stop.

“As the old saying goes, in the midst of all this chaos, the band still played on,” the Department recounts, “that is until they were advised in the middle of the 1975 classic ‘Wish You Were Here’, that they must stop the show.”

“Sadly I’m sure we all ‘wish we could be here,’ and the Rumson Police Department takes no enjoyment in ruining anyone’s fun!” the authorities then write. “However we all have a responsibility to take this pandemic seriously and adhere to the social distancing requirement.”

One attendee, 54-yeard-old John Maldjian, has been charged with reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct, and charges related to violating the emergency lockdown orders.

Other residents have been advised not to leave their homes unless absolutely necessary.

To date, a total of 37,000 people in the state of New Jersey have tested positive for COVID-19.

A further 917 have died as a result of  the virus.